


it's no big surprise you turned out this way

by imperfectEquinox



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 16:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11339421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imperfectEquinox/pseuds/imperfectEquinox
Summary: Hux and Kylo were so close so many times but they never quite reach each other. Until they do.





	it's no big surprise you turned out this way

He never pays attention to the audience while he performs. It always makes him nervous and distracted, his eyes scanning and scanning the crowd. It didn't used to bother him but now he has to totally block out the room in order to perform.

After he's done it's a whole different story. When the final song ends Kylo lingers on stage, the best vantage point fore searching the crowd. He's distracted while he packs up the equipment with Phasma, glancing over his shoulder constantly, but she's used to picking up his slack. He does this every time but like always, he can't find that familiar face.

He's past the point of being disappointed, but it still hurts. Less like a punch in the guts these days and more like an ache in the his chest. Phasma thinks he's being ridiculous, and he is, but he doesn't care.

When everything is put away he shoves his way through the crowd, ignoring the strangers trying to chat him up just because he was on stage. 

...

The knock on his window startles him in his half-asleep state. There's a pale blurry figure standing outside, and Ben is pretty sure that if he opens the window he's going to die, but he's alway been reckless so he does it anyways. Instead of death he gets a face he never thought he'd see again.

Hux has always been pale but now he looks ashen, and there are deep purple bags under his eyes. His red hair is cropped close to his head. His posture is straighter than Ben remembers, even with the tired way his shoulders seem to droop. Hux raises an eyebrow, silently asking to be let it and Ben doesn't hesitate to step back so he can enter.

Neither of them say anything as Hux shimmies his way through the open window. Ben's pretty sure he's in shock and is half-convinced he's dreaming. When he's fully in the room Hux makes a bee line to Ben's bed and drops onto it face first while Ben stands awkwardly at his window, watching.

Eventually Ben crosses his room in a couple of awkward steps and perches on the edge of his bed. Only half of Hux's body made it to the bed, the rest of it hanging awkwardly off the edge and trailing on the floor. They stay like that for awhile, Ben too scared to break the silence as if Hux will disappear at the slightest noise.

Finally, Ben summons up the courage to speak.  "Don't you still have a another year left? When I looked it up the site said that there was an extra year so that-" but he cuts off when Hux pushes himself up abruptly.

"I escaped," Hux says crisply, and Ben almost cries at the sound of his voice. It's been years since he last saw him but he still sounds the same, more mature but still undeniably Hux. He's sitting up now and there's space between them that Ben desperately want to close but he remains rooted in his spot. "I plan to be very far away before my father finds out."

Ben feels very, very fragile. He shuffles closer now, closer enough so their shoulders touch. Hux isn't looking at him, instead staring straight ahead and Ben doesn't think they've made eye-contact since he got here. He reaches out a hand timidly, placing it on Hux's cheek and gently pulling him to face him. Hux keeps is eyes averted, his eyes cast downward as Ben brushes his thumb across his cheek.

"You could stay here you know," Ben says, eyes wet with unshed tears. Hux laughs gently and shakes his head a little.

"Ben. I love you-" his voice cracks "-but no fucking way."

Now Ben's really crying, because it's a confession and a rejection in one, and it's everything he's wanted but it's being ripped aways before it could even start ( _again)_. All he can manage is a quiet, broken, "please" but he knows it's useless because he _understands_. It's too close to everything. To close to his father, his childhood, his school and he understands but it still hurts like hell.

Hux wraps his arms around him and pulls him to lay down. Ben's chest is tight with grief but Hux lets him make a mess of his shirt with tears and snot as he cries. He falls asleep after he's cried himself to exhaustion. Hux holds him the whole time and Ben clutches back desperately. He thinks he might have stayed the night.       

When Ben wakes up his bed is empty (and he feels a little empty too).

...

The lake is cool where he treads water, and it feels good against his flushed skin. He's a little tipsy but he hasn't drank nearly as mush as Phas and Armie have.

Phas has canon-balled into the lake no less than three times, no shame in her nudity. Ben is more self conscious, not having left the dark water since he got in and never going where the water is below his chest. Armie has been floating on his back quietly, giving Ben a few glances but he can't make himself meet his eyes.

He's been buzzing with anxiety all night, since Armie told them his dad's sending him to military school. They had been sprawled in Phasma's room, playing a stupid video game and laughing when Armie dropped the bomb on them. Phasma and Ben had gone quiet, before Phasma pulled out some alcohol from under her bed and said they were going to get throughly trashed. Somewhere along the way she had decided it would be a good idea to skinny dipping at the nearby lake.

He's brought out of his wallowing by someone crashing into his back, dragging him underwater. His first guess is Phasma, who's been having a great time jumping and splashing around. When he resurfaces and gets his bearings there's a smooth chest against his back and he realizes it's Armie. His arms are still locked around him and he can feel Armie pushing his face into his neck. Ben wants to turn around and hold him in his arms.

"Don't make it gay, guys," Phasma jokes, breaking the moment. Ben pulls away, giving an awkward, cracking laugh. Hux just stares at him sadly and Ben feels like he's going to cry. Phasma gives them a weird look before splashing both of them.

At sunrise they're all sitting on the shore in their underwear. Phasma had grumbled about being made to put clothes back on but the fact that Ben couldn't even look at her made her eventually relent. They're all sober now, crowded together on a patch of grass.

Armie is next to Ben, his head resting on his shoulder while Phas is sprawled on top of both of them, he head in Armie's lap. They talk in hushes tones about nothing for a while before Phas asks, "Why?" Ben holds his breath, the question that's been weighing him down all night finally voiced.

There's a moment of silence before Armie responds. "I guess he was sick of waiting for me to change." He lifts his head up and turns it, and Ben turns as well to look him in the eye. "I was never what he wanted me to be," Armie says quietly. Ben feels like there's something stuck in his throat.

Armie presses his forehead to Ben's and closes his eyes. Ben doesn't have the courage to close the gap, so they sit like that in silence. Phasma doesn't interrupt them this time.

...

The door on top of the stairs creaks as it's opened, and Phasma calls down the stairs, "Hey ass-wipe, there's someone here to see you."

He turns his face from where it's pressed into his pillow to snort. "Bullshit," he shouts back, "You know as well as I do that I have no friends."

Phasma give a long suffering sigh, and he can picture her leaning against the door frame, crossing her arms and giving him the most disappointed stare. She's mastered it by now, knowing just how to make him feel like a pathetic fuck with a single look (but it's not hard, he always feels kind of pathetic).

"Maybe that would be different if you left my basement once and a while, instead of spending your days inside like a fucking vampire."

"But Phas," he whines obnoxiously, "That would ruin my pale emo reputation."

She doesn't dignify that with a response, but he hears her coming downstairs to, presumably, kick his ass.When he rolls over, instead of tall and blond he gets tall and red. He barely contains his surprise at the disappointed face looming above his bed. After a moment he gives Hux a slow smile, sitting up and acting like it hasn't been _nine fucking years_ since he's seen him.

"Darling, we have to stop meeting like this. What would your parent say?" He hardly can process the rage on Hux's face before his head snaps sideways and his vision goes white for a moment. He realizes Hux punched him when he feels blood trickle down from his nose.

Kylo cups his nose, turning to look at Hux's enraged face and wishes that for once he knew when to shut his damn mouth. Hux can probably see the shock in his eyes and seems to cool down a little. His relationship with his father has always been bad but Kylo had no idea it was that bad. From the looks of it, probably worse than Kylo's own relationship with his father.

They stare at each other in silence, and Kylo gets a good look at how Hux has changed. He looks healthier, more put together. He's still pale but he doesn't look like he went three days without sleep. He's wearing a button up shirt and slacks, and his hair is combed neatly. Kylo thinks of himself in comparison, shirtless, ripped jeans, messy hair and blood on his face.

Hux breaks eye contact first, glancing around the room before scooping up a discarded shirt from the floor. He crouches in front of Kylo without a word, bringing the shirt up and wiping under his nose. Kylo winces back but otherwise stays still as Hux scrubs his face. It's already stopped bleeding so when he's done Hux just drops the shirt to the floor.

"I'm sorry." Kylo says. Hux sighs and sits down next to him on the mattress. They're close enough that Kylo can feel Hux's body heat on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry as well. That was unnecessary."

Kylo doesn't ask about what Hux has been doing, instead he rambles on and on about his band and his numerous part-time jobs. When it's late he offers to let him stay the night. Hux eye's the twin-sized mattress with disdain, it's barely big enough to fit Kylo's huge frame and Hux is just as tall, though skinnier. He does stay though, and they somehow manage to fit together on it.

When Kylo wakes up the next morning Hux is still there.

...

Kylo bursts outside, taking a deep breath. He's pleasantly surprised to find Hux perched on the curb, cigarette in hand. He always declines going to shows, preferring to stay home. It takes three strides for Kylo to reach him and sit on the curb next to him, legs spread out in front of him.

"Did you watch the show?" he asks, trying (and failing) to not sound eager.

"I figured I'd give it a shot. Got a bit too loud in there halfway through and had to leave." Hux looks at him with a small grin, slightly apologetic but Kylo doesn't care because he _came_. "It didn't sound too bad."

Kylo feels a little breathless, a huge grin splitting his face. "Maybe you should join then. I'm sure there's something for you to do in the band. You could play the tambourine," he says, "Or one of those little eggs with the beads in them." Hux looks at him like he's an idiot (he is) but e keeps going, "Maybe you could be a back up singer. Do the harmonies for me." At this Hux outright laughs.

"I'm sure the audience would love that," he says sarcastically.

"You've got a nice voice" Kylo says quietly, bumping their shoulders together. Hux just snorts, shoving back against him, nearly pushing Kylo off the curb. He continues smoking, shaking his head slightly while Kylo just stares.

Hux glances over mid-drag and raises a single eyebrow. If he had been younger Kylo might have looked away, blushing, but instead he just stares steadily, chin resting on his hand. Hux stares back for a long while before leaning forward, gently taking Kylo's chin and tilting his head before pressing their mouths together.

Kylo opens his mouth and inhales and a stream of smoke enters his mouth, and Hux pulls back. Kylo exhales slowly, maintaining eye-contact.

"You know I hate smoking." Kylo says after he's done, and Hux chuckles.

"Yeah, I do." He finishes his cigarette. "You ready to head home?"

**Author's Note:**

> so this is based off the song "twin sized mattress" by the front bottoms  
> it's like..... very heavily based off this song.


End file.
